The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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