that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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