Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If that was your dad, he is hot
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
