dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
