Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What a dumb baby whore.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
