So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
