i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize