I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
