just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
