Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
