If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
