Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
