you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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