your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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