Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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