I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
