Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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