I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
