Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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