How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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