dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
