Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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