Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
