A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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