Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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