ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
