I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
