oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
