just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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