Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
