Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
