So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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