I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
