She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
