I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
