I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
