lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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