hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Welp...herpes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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