I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
