i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
