He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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