She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
