are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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