ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
