Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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