Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
