This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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