I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
