Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
