It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
