Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
