I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
