I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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