I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize