I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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