Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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