At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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