what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
