Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize