i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
