chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
love makes seman taste better
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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