I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
