So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
