I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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