am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
