the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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