I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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