Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
