Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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