My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
