My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
