She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
