I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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