Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
