I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
