Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We have so much sex to catch up on
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
