I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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