Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
