You smell like stripper and shame
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
