Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
